You Know You’ve Had Too Much Caffeine When…
In the style of “You might be a redneck if…” jokes, here’s a batch about caffeine:
You might be a caffeine addict if:
- Your web page has the Mountain Dew color scheme.
- You don’t sweat, you percolate.
- You have to drink some form of caffeinated beverage just to sleep.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You know from experience caffeine tablets don’t dissolve in cola.
- Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- You see nothing wrong with using water joe to make the coffee you use to take your no-doze.
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
- The dishes in your house are all coffee cups.
- Starbuck’s owns the mortgage on your house.
- You suck on a used coffee filter and grounds whenever the can runs out of coffee.
- You have distilled Jolt Cola to make it more potent.
- A cup of coffee before bed doesn’t keep you from falling asleep anymore.
- You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug.
- You’ve ever used the airplane’s call button just to get a coffee refill.
- You dip espresso beans.
- You slip into a coma if you drink decaf by accident.
- You’ve given up sex, TV, and all forms of meat for Lent before, but STILL can’t make it 40 days without caffeine.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Colombia.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You go to the doctor because you’re afraid there might be blood in your Mountain Dew stream.
- You can name the five flavors of JOLT.
- You need a caffeinated beverage after lunch to avoid being cranky all afternoon.
- You believe that the coffee bean is a vegetable.
- You have a website about caffeine.
Post any more you have in the comments.
…when you stand in front of the microwave, screaming for it to hurry up.