Assault By Energy Drink. Civilization Ends.
I’ve always maintained that – sooner or later – energy drinks were going to hurt someone. But I never thought it would happen like this.
- Two men walk into a gas station
- Man number one goes to the counter and asks for a box of condoms
- Man number two goes to the drinks cooler and grabs 3 Rockstars.
- Man number one starts arguing with the clerk over the price of condoms.
- Man number two – keen to defend his friends honor (and for the rights of condom-users everywhere) THROWS A CAN OF ROCKSTAR at the store clerk.
Yes, I had to put that in bold caps. What a waste of drink. And that poor clerk will feel traumatized every time he sees an energy drink (although can’t be as bad as being assaulted with hot coffee).
The condoms? Man number two stole them. How cheap can you get?
Presumably the Rockstars were part of the loot as well.
Let’s hope they get hit by the full force of the law.
9 Comments
Ow. Those cans are heavy. I wonder if they were 16 or 24oz. But yeah, I too always thought that someone would get hurt with an energy drink. But, coincidentally, not this way.
Wow. You can’t make that stuff up. I wonder if the behavior was caused by a caffine headache or a sugar high? Either way, the government may get involved to either 1) Require clerks to wear helmets, or 2) Limit the size of energy drink cans.
Maybe the perpetrator was simply upset that Rockstar doesn’t come in enough flavors.
This isn’t cool at all. Assaulting the C-Store clerk is unacceptable. It’s already bad enough they have to deal with some shitheads (and they can be shitheads too). And why are they buying condoms at the C-Store?
@Karlie: Guys like that, I’d GIVE them condoms. Unless you WANT them to reproduce! 
@Robert: Maybe that’s a good idea. But then there will be no future C-Store lackies.
“FREMONT – That energy drink sure packed a heck of a punch.”
It sure did
I never knew Rockstar’s would ever be considered a weapon during an assault.
Geez, what is this world coming to.
You know that can is going on EBAY.
I’m just wondering what they had planned that would require a case of condoms, makes ya want to go yuuuuuuck!
oh shit, i didnt think anyone would find out about me + benny!