Cheetah Power Surge
Alright students, I have a new homework assignment for you today!
Here’s what I’d like you to do: First, travel to your local library and locate a Thesaurus. Next, I want you to look up the word, “horrible”.
Now, I want you to pick your favorite 25 synonyms and put them in paragraph form separated by commas. You’re almost done, isn’t this fun? Here’s the final step: Title your paper, “Cheetah Power Surge“.
Flavor
Here as I sit in front of my computer, I am at a loss of words to describe the taste of this drink. Looking around for inspiration, my eyes focus on the can itself and it hits me. This is what cheetah urine must taste like. BRILLIANT! it all makes sense, this IS cheetah urine! The urine of our planet’s fastest land animal. It’s nature’s energy drink, no?
Ingredients
There are two main points to make here, each of which can be summarized in two words. They are Royal Jelly and No caffeine. Standing out among the horridly dull ingredients list is royal jelly. It’s a honey bee secretion for bee larvae, so says the mighty collective public of Wikipedia. Secondly, yes there is NO caffeine. In fact, aside the nominal sugar content not one energy ingredient exists, NOT ONE! I’m speechless.
Energy
Power surge my ass. Imagining myself drinking a Rockstar gives me more energy than this “drink”.
Verdict
Hello again students, I wanted to offer you all an extra credit assignment. I would like you to write a short report on the abuse of the placebo effect by energy drink manufacturers today.
Oh and one more thing, who wants to know the source of my nightmares? I’ll tell you. This drink has a diet version.
Reviewed by Dusty Smith: Central Michigan University; Experimental Psychology Graduate Student; Researcher, Engineering Psychophysiology Laboratory; Founder, Michigan Intercollegiate Racquetball Association; Energy Drink Connoisseur.
11 Comments
funny review dude…you spelled connoisseur wrong though. XD
That was me, that’s what I get for trusting google!
Hah yeah ted wrote that summarized bio about me.
Tramp, thanks a bunch for the nice compliments! I’m glad you enjoyed the review
Is Dusty our new reviewer? If so congrats for taking my dream job! JKJK Now that I think about it my review was kinda dull.
Seriously! Both of our dream jobs, Brian, haha. It’s all good, I think Dusty’s a worthy addition to the team. Maybe we’ll have our chances again down the road. 
BEST REVIEW EVER. PERIOD.
+
i agree, that was really good, congrats on the sweet job
I pass this drink up every time I go to my local convenience stores, but tonight they were all out of the big cans of Jolt, so I settled on finally trying Cheetah Power Surge.
In all ways is it just “okay”.
I am determined not to waste the money I spent on it, so the energy boost is probably coming from the fact that I am GOING to finish this, even if I have to stay awake all night to do so
I am not sure what planet it is you hail from..it must be a TO thing..none the less, I strive to find where it is you’re coming from with this review…obviously you have a hate-on for Cheetah Power Surge..a product which, in my opinion, is a terrific and refreshing energy drink…of course we do have more refined tastes up here in the National Capital Region
Evidently all that caffeine contained in those other energy drinks you consume has caused severe brain damage..or perhaps some sort of ‘caffeine rage’..either way, please do us a favour go back to Rockstar and RedBull and leave Cheetah to those who can appreciate it..
Outdoorsguy
Actually, I ended up buying many more cans of Cheetah (usually the smaller, red cans) over the last 6 or 7 months, and it really grows on you.
It is very refreshing, as someone else said, and without any carbonation, it goes down really well too.
It is well-priced, too, usually a dollar or so less than many other same-sized energy drinks.
>>Power surge my ass. Imagining myself drinking a Rockstar gives me more energy than this “drink”.<<
that line was amazing. hahaha. just thought i’d let you know i thoroughly enjoyed this review, though i suppose i should thank you heavily for taking the brunt of the abuse for the rest of us.
so: thank you dusty smith with a long list of achievements, your selfless ways should be an inspiration to us all.