Hyper-Nutz: Caffeine Enhanced Energy Almonds

Today I review for you Hyper-Nutz. What kind of nutz are we talking about?

Who cares, they passed up the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to call them Buzz Nutz. Say it out loud. Buzz Nutz. Rarely do circumstances align so perfectly, and these jokesters went with Hyper-Nutz.

Fine, I’ll get on with the review. Just know I’m disappointed from the start.

Taste

So how do you feel about almonds? Ecstatic? Sorrowful? Aroused? Hostile? If you’re like me, you can say, “all of the above.” That’s normal, right? Hyper-Nutz are in fact energized almonds. When it comes down to taste, you’ll never know they’ve been tampered with. Hyper-Nutz are simply put, great tasting almonds. Flavor varieties check in as Honey, Salted, and Sweet Onion. Sweet Onion be my fav.

Ingredients

Aside almonds supposedly offering substantial energy naturally (protein), added is caffeine, taurine, ginseng and lysine. How much of each you ask? The nutrition label covers no such topic and my hails to the company have gone unanswered.

Effect

What exactly did you expect to find here? A bag of explosive almonds that will trigger a Level 5 reality meltdown? No, I believe you came here expecting to find that Hyper-Nutz are just another sadly underpowered energy food. Well, guess what?!! You’re wrong!! Ok, I’m sorry you’re right. Hyper-Nutz won’t do much of anything for the average caffeinated consumer. I just felt bad about confirming the boring expectations.

Verdict

If there’s an almond lover in you somewhere, then you’ll invariably enjoy what Hyper-Nutz has to offer. Snacked on alongside a Mountain Dew or the equivalent, you may even be lucky enough to feel something happy.

Outside of those states of affairs, I have some gripes directed straight towards the makers of Hyper-Nutz: Guys (and/or girls), find a new packing method and fix your website. I got so frustrated trying to open one of these bags that I almost killed a cat. You know what else irks the average consumer, including me? Website landing pages that blast sound without warning or choice. Quite inconsiderate. And oh, answer your emails.