Quick Review(!): Spike Shooter

Quickly, because I’m under the influence, I had a Spike Shooter this morning and I’m feeling pretty good. Not out of control good, but good enough that I’m just going to go ahead and ask you all right now to excuse any typos or grammatical errors. My fingers are a bit shaky.

As far as taste and color go, think of a slightly more carbonated Redline. It’s pretty sweet and it goes down easy, plus it’s only 8 oz. so what the hell. Make no mistake though this is no Redline. Redline is certainly a glorious, magical elixir, but it is not a toy. It’s got strange chemicals in it that make you feel all tingly and invincible.

Spike Shooter is kind of a different animal though. It’s feels like more of a normal (albeit strong as hell) energy drink while Redline is some crazy stuff for, like, athletes and superpeople. Spike is potent, but I feel really anxious right now. Usually the more engineered bodybuilder kinds of drinks give me a more subtle rush. Drinks with Yohimbine are usually kind of unique too. I’ll get a really strong shivery sensation, like having goosebumps for an hour straight or something. I also notice a big pump if I drink something with Yohimbe before a workout. Not so much with this stuff though. I forgot about the Yohimbine until I reread the can.

I guess I want to compare it to Redline because of the reputation so let me put it this way:

When I drank the Spike Shooter, I was driving and I got the urge to turn the music up really loud. Like obnoxiously loud.

When I drink Redline (which is–I’ll admit–periodically), a mischievous leprechaun suddenly appears and kidnaps my stereo then jumps around the inside of my car, taunting me with the promise of the kind of sweet relief that can only come from that fantastic note. Intense negotiations ensue until we can strike a deal, the terms of which usually involve me promising to give up at least one of my vices, and the little bastard finally relents. Also, my steering wheel turns to liquid and I have to pull over for a while so I can argue with myself over federal monetary policy, David Lynch films, and whether or not I could pull off flat-front pants.

Good times though.

With that in mind, please don’t take Spike Shoo….aww screw it. Believe the hype friends. It’s true. I just realized that I’m pretty effing cooked right now. I drank it five hours ago and I’m still cooked. In the hands of a lesser being, I could see this stuff causing trouble. If you’re an experienced traveller though, just be aware. I’m jittery as hell. I’m afraid to get up from my desk for fear that I may say something untoward and embarrass myself in front of my coworkers.

Good stuff. Be careful with it. Please.

MARGINALLY RELATED EDITORIAL NOTE: My integrity is not for sale! Not even for UFC tickets…Or rounds of golf at expensive country clubs…Or consumer electronics. Nothing. Really.

I recognize the power of The Fiend and I promise to use it for good instead of evil. We’re here to help, remember? No shilling for the man here.

That being said though, you Howling Monkey people are alright. Despite our continued skepticism over your caffeine content, we appreciate the samples–especially since you sent them after the review went up. Now just start putting the real amounts on the can and you’ll be well on your way to being good guys instead of bad guys.

We’ll consider these a gift in appreciation of the invaluable services that we provide for the good citizens of the world. It’s hard work and the Monkeys will serve us well during the long hours we spend wandering around in a caffeine induced stupor, I mean working on the site.

God, I am wired.