You Know You’re a Caffeine Addict When…

In the style of “You might be a redneck if…” jokes, here’s a batch about caffeine:

You might be a caffeine addict if:

• Your web page has the Mountain Dew color scheme.
• You don’t sweat, you percolate.
• You have to drink some form of caffeinated beverage just to sleep.
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• You lick your coffeepot clean.
• You know from experience caffeine tablets don’t dissolve in cola.
• Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked
• You can jump-start your car without cables.
• You see nothing wrong with using water joe to make the coffee you use to take your no-doze.
• You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
• The dishes in your house are all coffee cups.
• Starbuck’s owns the mortgage on your house.
• You suck on a used coffee filter and grounds whenever the can runs out of coffee.
• You have distilled Jolt Cola to make it more potent.
• A cup of coffee before bed doesn’t keep you from falling asleep anymore.
• You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug.
• You’ve ever used the airplane’s call button just to get a coffee refill.
• You dip espresso beans.
• You slip into a coma if you drink decaf by accident.
• You’ve given up sex, TV, and all forms of meat for Lent before, but STILL can’t make it 40 days without caffeine.
• Your birthday is a national holiday in Colombia.
• You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
• You go to the doctor because you’re afraid there might be blood in your Mountain Dew stream.
• You can name the five flavors of JOLT.
• You need a caffeinated beverage after lunch to avoid being cranky all afternoon.
• You believe that the coffee bean is a vegetable.
• You have a website about caffeine.

Post any more you have in the comments.