Caffeine Diet: Miracle Sleep Loss Plan
With all the crazy diet plans out there, we thought it was time that Energy Fiend came up with it’s own.
What makes our Caffeine Diet plan unique, you ask? Well, with our plan you not only can lose weight, but lose any desire for sleep as well.
As with any diet plan consult your physician before starting. I can just see her face now when you tell her you’re starting the Caffeine Diet.
Caffeine Diet Basics
Our plan is simple just follow this menu and watch as the sleep sheds away. Now with all that extra time and energy, you may even find time to go to the gym or maybe your sitting aerobic heart rate will do the work for you.
Sample Meal Plan
| Breakfast
Morning Spark Oatmeal 8oz of Filtered Coffee 8oz of Rockstar Juiced |
Caffeine
80mg 145mg 80mg |
| Snack
2oz of Perky Jerky |
-
150mg |
| Lunch
Turkey , lettuce, tomato, cheese sandwich 1.75oz bag of NRG Potato Chips 6oz of Dannon Coffee Yogurt 2 Buzz Strong’s Cookies 16 oz can of Xenergy |
-
0mg 175mg 36mg 50mg 200mg |
| Snack
3.5oz bag of Sumseeds |
-
120mg |
| Dinner
Spaghetti bolognaise (2 NoDoz dissolved in the sauce) 16oz Iced Tea |
-
200mg 244mg 94mg |
| Daily Total | 1574mg |
Pros
- No sleep needed with the caffeine diet.
- Get your work done in 1/3 the time.
- Have conversations in 1/8 of the time.
- Lose weight while resting with an aerobic heart rate.
- Build caffeine tolerance.
- Possibility of seeing dead relatives.
Cons
- Possibility of seeing scary dead relatives.
- Heart palpitations.
- Huge caffeine withdrawal headache when you complete the caffeine diet.
- You may have to get a second job to pay for all the caffeinated products, but hey, you can work nights since you don’t need sleep!
Conclusions
What are you waiting for? Get started today with the Caffeine Diet from Energy Fiend. By the way, this post was meant to be a joke so if you take it seriously, I have some ocean front property in Sheboygan to sell you.
5 Comments
Sadly, I actually did have my own caffeine diet. At least a litre of Iced Coffee (Farmer’s Union of course) a day and nothing else except a daily walk that lasts at least half an hour. I lost about 10 kilos in three weeks. Close friends or relatives may think you have an eating problem and you can never eat again, but who needs food?
haha I have my own caffine diet I had atleast two NOS or monsters a day, with only dinner for food. I lost 20 pnds in a month yayz!
I’ve been on a similar diet to kristian since I could afford caffeinated products and while i haven’t lost any weight, i haven’t gained any in about 5 years. The withdrawal headaches are a bitch though when i can’t get my hands on some coffee.
I am so going to save a copy of this diet. Energy drinks are our friends, our friends… thanks to caffeine i can do the work of 2 to 3 people and I am super productive — woohoo!
(By the way, this diet probably would kill you but at least you’ll die an achiever.)
I’ll totally buy that ocean front property from you! Lol, jk, seriously, I’d love some property along Lake Michigan I could go to in the Summer. I’ve been salmon fishing in Algoma a few times, it’s a blast. But you need some good energy drinks to wake you up at 4 in the morning, lol.
Funny article too, I had no clue they made caffeinated potato chips, too bad I gave up junk food, although I still let myself drink energy drinks.